Tender Mercies

Last night I prayed that my children would not grow up without me, that I could have the ability to slow down and enjoy them and motherhood to its fullest. It was one of the most sincere and heartfelt prayers I have prayed in a while.

Last night was a rough night for Benjamin, and, consequently, Stephen and I. He woke all throughout the night and early morning crying many times. One particularly difficult time, I asked Stephen to bring Benjamin into bed with us. He gave me that face -that face I'm all too familiar with- that says, "Are you sure you want to do that? EVERY other time we've tried this we've ended up regretting it because the boys get excited and want to play for hours on end. Each time you suggest it you think 'this time it will be different' and it never is." I smiled that smile -the one that Stephen is all to familiar with- that says, "I know...but will you go get me my baby anyways?" Needless to say, Benjamin ended up curled into me in bed :D

Benjamin told us about a scary dream he had had involving some sort of car crash. It was sad and broke my heart. The three of us cuddled for a while, singing Primary songs, and then we put Benjamin back down successfully. As I thought about that moment, one that I loved so much and ate up, I realized that God had answered my prayer in a very simple, yet profound way for me. Instead of being frustrated and irritable with the situation, I was grateful for it and held on to it as long as I could.

When the sun was just beginning to rise the next morning, I again found myself in bed curled up with that blonde-haired, blue-eyed little boy who had just been crying. Stephen had gone off to work and Ian was still asleep, so it was just the two of us. Benjamin was a little bit more difficult to soothe this time, but I was still blessed with the ability to see the good and I'm so grateful for that. We again cuddled for a while, still groggy because we weren't ready to be awake after a rough night. I repeatedly sung Benjamin his favorite Primary song "When I am Baptized" (which, coincidentally, is also mine), mumbling a lot of the words sleepily. I had just finished the song the second time when Benjamin, suddenly energetic and excited, turned over and said, pointing to the wall, "Oh! There you are, Jesus!" Surprised, I asked Benjamin, "Where, sweetheart?" "Ober (over) there!" came the response with an enthusiastic point to the wall. I then asked him what Jesus was doing and he said, "Flying around!" For the next few minutes Benjamin kept pointing to that same wall exclaiming that Jesus was "Ober there!"

I don't know what Benjamin actually saw or what he actually experienced, or maybe if he was just responding to the Spirit he felt, but I do know that the veil is often not as thick as we think it is and sometimes Heavenly Father blesses us with special experiences just to let us know that He is there and that He loves us. I'm so grateful for the purity and the innocence of children and for the many things my boys teach me daily about Christ-like love

Rantings of a Misunderstood Mother

Disclaimer #1: In case the title of this post didn't do it justice, this post is a rant.

Multiple times this week Stephen and I found ourselves in a few different situations where we felt the need to defend our choices in raising our boys on a specific topic: sleep, bedtimes and naps.

Disclaimer #2: This is our/my blog and therefore this is my opinion. It doesn't make my views or my feelings about this the most correct or the least correct. It only means this is how I feel and view this specific topic. I truly believe that every decent parent is doing their very best in raising their children and are using methods that they believe are best for them and their situations and their families, even if those methods do not look like someone else's methods. That being said...

Sleep is very important to me, especially sleep for my children. I have done hours and hours of research and reading various articles and books and have picked from them things that resonated with me and my family. Likewise, I have also left behind those things that did not resonate with me. I think that this is a very important thing to be able to do in a world with so much conflicting information.

After having done this (and I continue to do this), I have formulated several beliefs that are firm for me:

• Adequate sleep is vital to the physical, emotional and behavioral development of children.
• Children thrive off of routine and fairly predictable schedules.
• Parents are the primary protector of their child's needs. Just because they are little doesn't make their needs less important than something else. If parent's don't protect their child's needs, who will?

Those who know me and our family well know that we have bedtimes and nap times that, for the most part, we stick to. We protect the needs of our children- yes, sometimes at the expense of a fun activity or gathering that we'd rather be participating in. But for us, that is what being a parent is all about: sacrificing for the well-being and betterment of our kids. Sometimes it is inconvenient, yes. But parenthood is not about conveniency.When we decided to be called mommy and daddy, we agreed to sacrifice parts of our single and free days to raise a family. We decided that that was more fulfilling and satisfying for us.

Now, does this mean that we never get to have fun and do things for ourselves? Does this mean that we as parents don't have a right to meet our own needs? Heavens no! We would likely be poor parents indeed if we didn't. Stephen and I have worked out a way to provide each other individually and ourselves as a couple relief and self care time on a very regular basis. It works for us. We are happy with how we do things and don't really feel like we miss out much at all, despite what others may think.

We hear lots of arguments about how we chose to do things, such as "But your kids will never learn how to be resilient!" or "But life doesn't always revolve around a schedule!" or "You guys are so uptight and strict!" I've heard it all. And quite frankly, I don't care what others think. I have seen WAY too much benefit from how we do things to be concerned about the misguided assumptions of others. There are PLENTY of other life situations that will help teach my children resiliency that I am not concerned about letting them have the comfort and predictability of knowing their needs for sleep will be met. No, life does not always work around a schedule, and my kids will learn that. But my job right now is to meet their needs in a loving and selfless way (and besides, it is my opinion that routine and predictability help with behavior which can, in turn, help with a happy and successful childhood). And yes, maybe we are sometimes uptight and strict, but that doesn't bother me either. When the occasion warrants it, we are actually pretty flexible. I just don't believe that EVERY occasion warrants it. It is my belief that there are important things and then there are MORE important things, and if a bedtime happens to be the lesser important thing (say, in the occasion of a wedding or other important family gathering), so be it! But not every late night or skipped nap warrants it for me.

So I guess what I'm really trying to say is that there is no one right or wrong way to parent, so we need to be a little bit more kind to each other. I'm not asking anyone to agree with me or someone else with whom they actually disagree with, but we can all be respectful and kind.

To the Women at Deseret Book

My boys slept in this morning, and I mean SLEPT IN. We are usually up and going around 7:30am each morning, but this morning Benjamin was up a quarter after 8 and Ian was out until 9:30. 9:30am!!!

It was some kind of miracle.

So, assuming that because they slept in so late they wouldn't want or need naps at their usual time at 12:30pm, I figured I had until at least 1:30pm to run errands and loaded us up in the car.

Never assume anything with toddlers. Ever.

Our first stop was Deseret Book. I normally hate shopping at Deseret Book alone with both boys because they don't have shopping carts and you can imagine what that is like with two toddlers. But I took a risk anyway because I was excited about my tentative purchases and thought the boys should be happy because they were just fed and well rested.

Ha.

It was a disaster. Benjamin immediately took off running down the isles of the store, ripping photos of Jesus off the racks and showing them to other kids in the store -kids who were staying obediently and quietly by their parents- exclaiming loudly, "Jesus!" Ian, who I had forgotten to put shoes on so I was holding, was wriggling violently, trying to get down to run around with his brother. He got really angry and started screaming loudly. So there I was, trying to keep a hold on Ian while quickly scanning the isles for Benjamin (while cleaning up the messes he left in his wake) and what I needed so we could get out quickly. Heads turned our direction and eyes stared; I wanted to disappear.

I continued frantically trying to hold it together, quiet Ian and get out as quickly as possible for another 5 minutes, which felt like 5 hours, when I noticed an older woman watching me. I was humiliated. I rushed passed her after Benjamin and mumbled an apology. Her big smile stopped me as I heard her say, "Don't be!" With a far-away dreamy look in her eyes, she then said, "This phase goes by too quickly you know. One day those babies will be gone, so enjoy every minute."

I was baffled.

I lost sight of Benjamin as we chatted for a minute and she offered me a few more words of encouragement. When I caught sight of Benjamin a ways across the store, I made to take off after him and that sweet woman called after me, "Now go! Enjoy it!"

As I was checking out, I had a still-screaming Ian in my arms and heard Benjamin knock over the container of wrapping paper behind me, sending rolls of it rolling everywhere. I was ready to cry. I tried to juggle Ian, Benjamin, making my payment and cleaning up the mess without much success.
There was a mother and her teenaged daughter behind me in line and I silently plead that they would help me. They didn't. They continued to watch what I'm sure looked like an irresponsible mother who couldn't control her children and hold herself and them together.

After my purchase was made, I scrambled to clean up Benjamin's mess when the cashier said kindly, "Ma'am, please don't worry about it. I've got it." Grateful for her kindness and relieved that we could get out of there I thanked her and turned around to leave. As I did so, I heard the mother and daughter behind me in line say, "Oh! I guess we could have helped..."

I learned three valuable lessons this day:

1. Young motherhood does indeed go by much too quickly, and I have two choices: One, to look back one day with regret, or two, look back one day with fondness. Life is messy, and life with two toddlers is especially messy. But those messes do not have to overwhelm the beauty of childhood or my ability to appreciate it to it's fullest.

2. Not everyone who watches you in your moments of frantic stress is judging harshly. Some might be silently praising you and encouraging you. Some might even be slightly envious. It's not fair to assume that everyone is being critical. There are still kind and generous people in this world. Humanity is not dead. Just as you hope people are not judging you and making assumptions about your life, don't make assumptions about theirs.

And 3. It is okay to need help, and it is equally okay to ask for it. We all need help at some point in our life or another. If you see someone struggling and you can offer help, offer it. Chances are they are silently pleading for it.

Now, that being said, I completely understand the occasional withholding of help. Maybe that mother and daughter behind me in line wanted to help, but didn't want to make me any more uncomfortable than I already was by drawing even more attention to me. Maybe they were worried about over-stepping bounds. I can't blame them, and I don't. But what I later realized is that most people want to help, but hesitate, unsure if help is wanted. Most people have an innate desire to help another with their load but are unsure how. This is why it is important to be able to ask for help when help is needed, even if a swallowing of pride or embarrassment is required. It's a balancing act. Don't wait until it is too late to offer help and don't be afraid to ask for help when help is needed. In either case, ACT.

So, to those women at Deseret Book today who taught me valuable lessons, thank you.

Ian Has Turned One!!!

So...this one is a little late. With all of the hub-bub of buying a home and moving, it kept getting put off. Here it is:

Ian had his first birthday on July 11th! We had a BBQ and water party at Grandma Duke's house that afternoon. There was a kiddie pool and slip n' slide for the littles, and visiting for the adults. We had grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and friends over and it was a lot of fun! I felt horrible though because I didn't have the time or the energy to put into Ian's first birthday party that I had put into Benjamin's first. Decorations were neglected, food was cheap and quick and the cake was not what I had wanted. Stephen had to keep reminding me that it was not a statement of my preference or love for one boy over the other, that Ian would not remember or care, and that we were still trying to recover from the stress of our house. The things I worry about sometimes...

My heart broke a little when we sang happy birthday to Ian for the first time; my baby was gone!

He would only eat cheetos for dinner. We eventually gave up the fight and let him. After all, he only turns one once, right?!

Unlike his brother, Ian loved smashing and eating his cake, though you wouldn't know it by his facial expressions.

Ian wasn't as interested in opening presents. He kept trying to run away with his favorite present; an orange ball from aunt Brooke.

To make things a little easier, aunt Brooke had also gotten Benjamin a ball. Bless her.

Some fun one-year facts about Ian:

• He started walking at 11 months old and has been trying to run to keep up with big brother since.

• Unlike Benjamin, he hates to play alone and is constantly seeking out companionship. Also unlike his brother, he LOVES to cuddle and that makes me happy.

• His favorite (and most used) word is "Yeeahhh!" He likes to use it whenever Benjamin asks him if he wants to play or go outside. Their little conversations make me smile :)

• He is a very serious boy, usually wearing a concentrated or concerned expression. He is likewise a lot more mellow than Benjamin, preferring to watch and see rather than do and explore.

• He is my carb baby, eating breads, crackers and cereal. He will gobble down fruits and vegetables in their pureed form, but not in their natural form. So he has texture issues.

•  He can sure hold his own! With a 2 year old for a big brother, Ian is often pushed around and taken advantage of. He has no problem, though, chasing Benjamin down to "get even." 

• Even if he is in a bad mood, the minute he hears music he is busting a move!

• His favorite pass-time is blowing raspberries to himself and laughing.

• He is a COMPLETE mama's boy, which I love. No matter where I go, I can always count on having a little tag-a-long blowing raspberries right behind me.

We are grateful every day that were blessed with this sweet little boy! Life would certainly be a little more gray without him. We love you, Ian Delaine!

We Bought Our First House!!!

I was not convinced that we were ready to start going through the process of buying our first home. I had only ever lived in tiny apartments for the last 7 years of my life, 4.5 of those with Stephen, and the thought of buying a home terrified me. With a little bit of encouragement, we decided to just look into it. We needed to be educated. We needed to understand the process better, so that when the time came, we could be more confident. So I agreed to do at least that, and that is what we set out to do.

After some time, I became convinced that we were actually ready; we had a decent savings, we were educated, we were itching for a change, we didn't want to "throw money away" on rent anymore and we wanted some sense of stability (each of us having not lived in any one place for longer that a year or two since we left home). So we shopped realtors (and changed a couple of times during this process, looking for the right fit for us) and lenders.

For a month and a half we scoured Utah County home websites (wanting, of course, to stay in Utah County) nearly daily. A couple nights a week we were looking at homes, dragging our sweet boys along for the ride. They were champs really, not too many meltdowns. If there was a night we didn't look at homes, Benjamin sometimes appeared confused and would ask "Houses? Houses?" Poor kid.
That month and a half was insane and stressful. We didn't need to get into a house quickly and we had hoped to take our time, but the market in Utah County is ridiculous right now. Homes would come on the market one morning and would have an accepted offer just hours later, so we really had to be on the ball if we wanted a chance at one of the "good ones."

Stephen and I eventually ended up making our first offer on a home in American Fork. It had an unfinished basement and needed quite a bit of work, but we both felt strongly about making an offer. We waited for an excruciating 24 hours to hear whether or not our offer was accepted. Stephen was anxious to hear that "yes," while I was actually hoping for a "no." I continued looking at homes while we waited. While I do not doubt we needed to make that offer, I was anxious about the location of the home and couldn't see us raising our children there. We both felt so confused and conflicted. I personally felt that this was a trial for me, to see if I truly would be willing to do all things the Lord should ask of me, even if I did not understand why. I had to work REALLY hard at having an open heart, one ready and willing to accept the Lord's will. I'll tell you, it was one of the most difficult 24 hours of my life!

Our offer ended up being counter-offered, which we did not feel good about and rejected.You can imagine my relief and gratitude! It would have been easy to ask "Then why did we feel so strongly about making this offer in the first place?" But we didn't. We knew why we needed to. It was so that we could learn and become more unified. One of the neatest things about this experience was that Stephen and I learned more about how to receive and follow revelation together. Although stressful and often difficult, this process brought us closer together as we strove to make the right decisions for our little family.

One of the homes I looked at while we were waiting to hear back about the American Fork home was a cute little twin-home in Springville. It had 5 bedrooms, 2 full bathrooms, a family room and a livingroom and was 2190 sq ft. The home had been on the market for two months and the asking price had just been lowered 10K. I was excited about this one and showed it to Stephen; we looked at it the next day. It was perfect. It was in the location I had dreamed of; a nice little close-knit community in a small town not too far from big-city amenities and family. I was in love with it right away, and so was Stephen. After praying about it a TON, we went forward with making an offer, this time both of us hoping for a "yes."

Well, we received another counter offer we didn't feel good about. I was so discouraged. We decided to counter offer again, asking only slightly higher than our first offer, fairly certain they wouldn't take it and ready to drop it if they countered again.

 Well, they took it!!!

The following month was full of the events that occur before closing on a home. It was really stressful again, but we also felt blessed for being able to get in so fast when we didn't expect to.

The worse part was preparing the home for move-in. Nothing could have prepared me for that (go on all you old-time home owners. Have a good laugh, it's okay :) ). Really, there wasn't a lot of work to be done (mostly painting and re-caulking, then cleaning), but it was all so time consuming. For a week and a half, Stephen or I (or both if we had a sitter) were at the house working until the wee hours of the morning. We also had many friends and family members who provided great help. Stephen and I have only ever moved into places that were move-in ready (one of the perks of having a landlord), so this was all new to us. Not to mention the awful headache of appliance shopping and instillation, which had many complications. Lot's of tears were shed that week...but we kept trying to remember that this was all truly a blessing.

We were all moved in on July 16th!

Here's a little tour:

Livingroom

 

Kitchen and Dinning

Playroom

We are SO very excited to be here and to start this new chapter in our lives. We feel at home and recognize that we have been blessed, very blessed!