Priesthood

Last night was a rough night for the Palmer family. Benjamin has been struggling lately with sleep and eating and we cannot figure out what's going on. It's been a struggle at times to get him to eat and he hasn't been sleeping well at all, getting several hours less in a 24 hour period than he usually does (which for a little guy is a LOT). Consequently, I don't sleep or eat either.

Well, about an hour into his nighttime sleep last night, Benjamin suddenly woke with these blood-curdling screams of pain. Stephen and I were frantic. Nothing we did soothed him and I could feel my heart breaking as I realized I couldn't fix whatever it was -let alone figure out WHAT it was- that was ailing my little guy. Talk about feeling powerless. It didn't take long before tears of pain of my own were flowing and poor Stephen was left on his own to figure it out.

Not as filled with faith as I should have been, but still a tiny bit hopeful, I asked Stephen to give our son a blessing. I was so grateful in that moment that I was blessed to have a worthy Priesthood holder in my home. Over Benjamin's wails and my own desperate cries, I couldn't hear much of what was being said, but I knew that God was watching over us and that He could take care of it. And that is what He did.

Minutes later we had Benjamin in a warm bath, happy as a clam. After we got Benjamin back down in bed, I had some time to reflect on what had happened and had some profound realizations.

I had felt the Holy Ghost testify to me that the immense pain I felt in being helpless to take away my son's hurt was only a snippet of what the Father must feel for us when we hurt. Yes, He loves us THAT much! The love of a parent is deep and profound; the love of our Heavenly Parents is even deeper and even more profound. Can you even try to comprehend that?! I can't.

I also thought about how little children often have complete faith that their parents can "fix it." Children run to their mother when they have injured themselves, absolutely positive that mommy's hugs and kisses will make it all better. Children turn to their father's when a beloved toy is broken, sure that dad has the skills needed to repair it.This brought to new light for me the commandment we've been repeatedly given in the scriptures to "become even as a little child." This, for me, meant to turn immediately to my Heavenly Father when I am hurting, lost, sad, lonely, or fearful, and to trust -to honestly and completely trust -that my Heavenly Father can, according to His will, "fix it."

It was an ugly night for me, that's for sure, but there were also little hidden treasures of beauty that I am so grateful for.

Update

So here's a little update on us:

We have recently moved to Provo, UT and have been in our cute little new home for just over 3 weeks. We love it! Already both Stephen and I are MUCH happier. Call me crazy, but I LOVE this stage of life- the "Grad-school student, college town, young family, dirt poor, dates consist of grocery shopping" stage. We relished living in a college town while we were in Rexburg, ID and missed it while we were in Lehi, UT for those 6 short months. I missed being surrounded by young families going to school (it was so much easier to make friends), time with Stephen (his commute for school and work was too hard on us), and having a car (it's amazing how much freedom running mundane errands can bring to a stay-at-home-mom). So we moved to Provo, and it has been wonderful!

On Halloween, we got dressed up and went trunk-or-treating with our friends, Zach and Becca, in our ward parking lot and it was a lot of fun!  Benjamin obviously doesn't grasp the concept of Halloween yet, but I sure loved toting him around in his R2D2 outfit and watching people ooogle over him; he's pretty much the most adorable little boy...he and our friend's baby, Ethan (who was dressed as Doby from Harry Potter) who is just 3 weeks older than Benjamin. Those two stole the show for sure!

          

Stephen recently made friends with a non-member who lives in our ward boundaries and his name is Rudy. Rudy is now taking the missionary discussions in our home once a week and it has been a joy for me to watch Stephen's love for a complete stranger grow. He has such a great desire to teach, reach out, and to rescue and I love that about him. It helps me to remember to not be complacent and to serve those around me. We had decided long ago that we wanted to work at becoming a family who makes a difference in the community and who lifts and serves wherever they are and I hope that we can begin to reach this goal here in Provo.

We're in love with the beautiful trail that follows the Provo river (it's located a five minute walk away!) and we spend an awful lot of time out on it biking and walking. It definitely makes exercise more fun and more likely to happen! Benjamin and I have already walked it a hundred times it seems, going to feed the ducks, play at the park, or window shop at one of the stores just off the trail. Yup, I definitely love it and have no idea what I'll do once the snow starts flying.

Another favorite thing to do when we have some spare time is to take Benjamin outside to play, and he loves it too. Sometimes when he's particularly fussy, just opening the front door elicits squeals of delight and excitement. We grateful for the little playground located on the apartment complex grounds.

     

With daylight savings a recent event, Benjamin's typical sleeping patterns have been completely out of whack and it has been super difficult for us (probably more so for our neighbors, whom I feel especially sorry for). Benjamin has always been a "schedule baby" in that he thrives best on predictability and routine, which I don't mind at all since that is my personality anyway. However, lately he has been all over the place and the poor guy can't seem to figure it out, and neither can Stephen or I for that matter. For now we are just praying that we can get through each day in one piece.