Usually these posts are made by Rachel
about different updates on our family or different things she has been learning
and thinking about. Today, you get a
special treat as I’m (Stephen) going to write about what has been on my mind
lately and that topic is womanhood. I think there were a number of reasons God decided to make Eve a helpmeet for Adam. I think one of those reasons is that God knew that if He left Adam alone for too long to manage the earth then it would probably be on fire in 5 seconds. Likewise, my wonderful wife keeps me in check as well, even though she sometimes wonders if she has three kids instead of two.
Elder Jeffery R Holland said
in the October 2005 general conference to the young women, which applies to
women of any age, “First of all, I want you to be proud you are a woman. I want
you to feel the reality of what that means, to know who you truly are. You are
literally a spirit daughter of heavenly parents with a divine nature and an
eternal destiny. That
surpassing truth should be fixed deep in your soul and be fundamental to every
decision you make as you grow into mature womanhood. There could never be a
greater authentication of your dignity, your worth, your privileges, and your
promise. Your Father in Heaven knows your name and knows your circumstance. He
hears your prayers. He knows your hopes and dreams, including your fears and
frustrations. And He knows what you can become through faith in Him.”
Ladies, it is time that you wake
up to who you really are and never forget it! It makes me sad to see the “mommy
wars” and other things like it going on all the time. I observe what seems to be a constant battle
between knowing and appreciating who you are along with being happy with
yourself and how the world and today’s media portrays how you should be. Elder Holland said in the same talk, “One
would truly need a great and spacious makeup kit to compete with beauty as
portrayed in media all around us.” How the world portrays beauty and
what real beauty is are two completely different things! You are beautiful just
as you are no matter what shape, size, or color you come in! I really liked this quote about where
beautiful people come from by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross: “The most beautiful people
we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle,
known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an
appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with
compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just
happen.” It is time to stop fighting the wars of “who wore it best,” who has
the better hair, dress, or makeup. It is
time to stop comparing yourselves to others and appreciate your own beauty. It is
time to start giving genuine compliments and uplifting others around you.
I know motherhood is hard
and there are many women out there who haven’t had that blessing yet. Know
this: whether now or in the eternities that blessing can become yours in the
Lord’s due time. It is time to stop the “mommy wars” and really appreciate
every woman and mother for who they are.
Your success and worth as a mother isn’t determined by who has the
cleanest house, whose kids are best dressed or behaved, or who has the most
pins on Pintrest or Pintrest-like projects going on at home. Motherhood is hard
and you do it day in and day out with little to no breaks. I know I couldn’t do
it. Anytime Rachel is gone for an
extended amount of time and I’m left alone with my boys I am always very
grateful and happy when she comes home.
I know I go to work every day outside the home, but she’s doing as much
or more work in our home. I know I
couldn’t do it so I am so very grateful for a wonderful wife that can. Elder Holland said in his talk, “Because She
is a Mother” the following: “Moved by that kind of devotion and determination,
may I say to mothers collectively, in the name of the Lord, you are
magnificent. You are doing terrifically well. The very fact that you have been
given such a responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust your Father in
Heaven has in you. He knows that your giving birth to a child does not
immediately propel you into the circle of the omniscient. If you and your
husband will strive to love God and live the gospel yourselves; if you will
plead for that guidance and comfort of the Holy Spirit promised to the
faithful; if you will go to the temple to both make and claim the promises of
the most sacred covenants a woman or man can make in this world; if you will
show others, including your children, the same caring, compassionate, forgiving
heart you want heaven to show you; if you try your best to be the best parent
you can be, you will have done all that a human being can do and all that God
expects you to do.”
Speaking of trying to be the
best parent you can be, we need to have more compassion towards other people,
especially if their ideas are different than ours. Just because someone else does something in a
different way than you it doesn’t make it any less valid or important. For example, the debates that go along with
child birth. If someone chooses to have
a baby without an epidural, or with an epidural, or in a hospital, or in a home…it
doesn’t matter! I know there are strong
opinions about birth and this isn’t meant to be a political statement but more
of a statement on the miracle, beauty, and privilege bearing children is. Instead of criticizing or judging someone for
doing it in a way that is different than how you believe it should be done,
celebrate it! Each and every birth is valid, important, and a blessing to each
couple that has one. They need to be
celebrated more and criticized less. We need to end the if you do this or don’t
do that then you’re a terrible person and will kill or severely maim or
emotionally damage your child dialogue because it simply isn’t true and can
bring immense shame and guilt. We also need to give people the benefit of the
doubt and believe that they are making the best decision for their children or
family when it might be different than how we would do it. This goes for whether you choose to vaccinate
your child or not, whether you circumcise your child or not, whether you
home school or have your kids go to public school, if you breastfeed your
children or not and a myriad of other hot topic issues that get widely
debated. There needs to be more
kindness, more compassion, more love, and less criticism and judgment.
The world has a way of
attacking you in any and every way possible.
It is Satan’s goal to destroy us, make us miserable, and take as many
people down with us as possible. I
believe (not to discredit the part of the father in the home) that if Satan can
destroy the mother then it is much more likely that he can destroy the whole
family with it. Satan wants you to
believe that you’re not pretty enough, not smart enough, not skinny enough, not
good or strong enough, a failure at motherhood and everything else in
life. Don’t listen to that garbage, it
isn’t true!
Elder Dieter F Uchtdorf said
in his October 2008 address, “To me it appears that our splendid sisters sometimes
undervalue their abilities—they focus on what is lacking or imperfect rather
than what has been accomplished and who they really are…If that is how you
feel, think again, and remember that you are spirit daughters of the most
creative Being in the universe. Isn’t it remarkable to think that your very
spirits are fashioned by an endlessly creative and eternally compassionate God?
Think about it—your spirit body is a masterpiece, created with a beauty,
function, and capacity beyond imagination…You may think you don’t have talents,
but that is a false assumption, for we all have talents and gifts, every one of
us. The
bounds of creativity extend far beyond the limits of a canvas or a sheet of
paper and do not require a brush, a pen, or the keys of a piano. Creation means
bringing into existence something that did not exist before—colorful gardens,
harmonious homes, family memories,
flowing laughter.
My
dear sisters, I have a simple faith. I believe that as you are faithful and
diligent in keeping the commandments of God, as you draw closer to Him in
faith, hope, and charity, things will work together for your good. I believe that as you immerse yourselves
in the work of our Father—as you create beauty and as you are compassionate to
others—God will encircle you in the arms of His love. Discouragement, inadequacy, and weariness
will give way to a life of meaning, grace, and fulfillment. As spirit daughters of our Heavenly Father,
happiness is your heritage.”
Remember, you are amazing just as
you are. I am so grateful to have such a
wonderful wife as I do. I often ask myself
and ponder what I must have done to have been blessed with such an amazing
woman. I am often reminded that the Lord
saw fit to bless me with her, in-spite of me and my own shortcomings. Rachel truly is so patient, kind, compassionate,
and supportive of me. She is the most
beautiful woman I know and is such an example to me. She is a wonderful mother to my two little
boys and works hard every day to teach and raise them. I know it and the Lord knows it. Is she perfect a perfect person, wife, and
mother? No, she’s not. Does she have down days, stressful times, ornery
stretches, and trials of her own? You
bet she does, just like we all do. But
that is what makes her beautiful and I love her all the more for it.
