I read this AMAZING article over two months ago that has been on my mind ever since. It talked about how women, mothers specifically, attempt to make themselves and each other feel better about their sometimes impossible task of parenting and house keeping by saying things like, "Yea, so-and-so has a really clean house, but that must mean she never spends time playing with her kids, so my dirty house must mean I am a better mother," or, "If I don't take some time each morning to get dressed and do my hair and make-up, others might think I've let myself go and have become a slave to my home and family." The author then went on to talk about how wearing sweats or having a messy house (or never/always having a well-balanced dinner ready precisely as the hubs walks in the door, or never/always allowing your children to eat processed foods, or...you get the point) doesn't make you a better or a worse wife/mother than anyone else. It just means that you find FULFILLMENT in ways that are different than someone else.
This was revolutionary for me, as I have definitely been guilty of saying such statements as listed above to myself or to a friend in an attempt to find or to provide that comfort we all seek in knowing we are "doing it right" and that we are "enough."
As I pondered on this new thought, I came to realize the different ways that I find fulfillment in being a wife and mother and human being.
I hate to get dressed in the mornings. I mean HATE it. I feel accomplished, rejuvenated and so good about myself if I can get a good workout and shower in in the morning and then put a clean pair of sweats back on. Putting together a cute outfit for myself doesn't do much for me. In fact, it makes me less comfortable. I like to roll and crawl around on the floor with my boys and be comfortable. For me, that means sweats. That is fulfilling for me, not getting done up. Does that mean women who love to take time to get done up each day are somehow "doing it wrong," not spending adequate enough time with their kids or are taking better care of themselves than I am? Certainly not! It just means that they find fulfillment in different ways than I do.
I like a clean and organized home. Clutter and dirty dishes and piles of laundry make me feel anxious and unhappy. Disorganization for me means chaos. So, I try to keep my house clean and organized because I like how it makes me feel; peaceful, in control and like I am contributing in a valuable way to the functionality of my family. Cleaning and keeping house is fulfilling for me. Does this mean that I never have time to play with and be with my kids? Nope. I utilize nap times like nobody's business. This means no naps for me, but the trade-off for me is worth it. Does this mean that those who don't keep a clean house are lazy and are a disservice to their family? Absolutely not! Everyone finds fulfillment differently, and that is okay.
I like to create and work on projects, especially for my kids. Pinterest has nothing to do with it. It doesn't make me feel like I am a better mother. I just enjoy creating. It makes me happy to be detail oriented and to put effort into things. It is fulfilling for me.
And so the message I took from this article is that every wife and mother (and person in general) has their own unique style and approach to tasks. Different things bring different people a sense of fulfillment and purpose, and so the judging (of others and of ourselves) and assumptions need to stop. It is damaging, gives false assumptions and creates unrealistic expectations. Appreciate yourself and others as they are.
