My boys slept in this morning, and I mean SLEPT IN. We are usually up and going around 7:30am each morning, but this morning Benjamin was up a quarter after 8 and Ian was out until 9:30. 9:30am!!!
It was some kind of miracle.
So, assuming that because they slept in so late they wouldn't want or need naps at their usual time at 12:30pm, I figured I had until at least 1:30pm to run errands and loaded us up in the car.
Never assume anything with toddlers. Ever.
Our first stop was Deseret Book. I normally hate shopping at Deseret Book alone with both boys because they don't have shopping carts and you can imagine what that is like with two toddlers. But I took a risk anyway because I was excited about my tentative purchases and thought the boys should be happy because they were just fed and well rested.
Ha.
It was a disaster. Benjamin immediately took off running down the isles of the store, ripping photos of Jesus off the racks and showing them to other kids in the store -kids who were staying obediently and quietly by their parents- exclaiming loudly, "Jesus!" Ian, who I had forgotten to put shoes on so I was holding, was wriggling violently, trying to get down to run around with his brother. He got really angry and started screaming loudly. So there I was, trying to keep a hold on Ian while quickly scanning the isles for Benjamin (while cleaning up the messes he left in his wake) and what I needed so we could get out quickly. Heads turned our direction and eyes stared; I wanted to disappear.
I continued frantically trying to hold it together, quiet Ian and get out as quickly as possible for another 5 minutes, which felt like 5 hours, when I noticed an older woman watching me. I was humiliated. I rushed passed her after Benjamin and mumbled an apology. Her big smile stopped me as I heard her say, "Don't be!" With a far-away dreamy look in her eyes, she then said, "This phase goes by too quickly you know. One day those babies will be gone, so enjoy every minute."
I was baffled.
I lost sight of Benjamin as we chatted for a minute and she offered me a few more words of encouragement. When I caught sight of Benjamin a ways across the store, I made to take off after him and that sweet woman called after me, "Now go! Enjoy it!"
As I was checking out, I had a still-screaming Ian in my arms and heard Benjamin knock over the container of wrapping paper behind me, sending rolls of it rolling everywhere. I was ready to cry. I tried to juggle Ian, Benjamin, making my payment and cleaning up the mess without much success.
There was a mother and her teenaged daughter behind me in line and I silently plead that they would help me. They didn't. They continued to watch what I'm sure looked like an irresponsible mother who couldn't control her children and hold herself and them together.
After my purchase was made, I scrambled to clean up Benjamin's mess when the cashier said kindly, "Ma'am, please don't worry about it. I've got it." Grateful for her kindness and relieved that we could get out of there I thanked her and turned around to leave. As I did so, I heard the mother and daughter behind me in line say, "Oh! I guess we could have helped..."
I learned three valuable lessons this day:
1. Young motherhood does indeed go by much too quickly, and I have two choices: One, to look back one day with regret, or two, look back one day with fondness. Life is messy, and life with two toddlers is especially messy. But those messes do not have to overwhelm the beauty of childhood or my ability to appreciate it to it's fullest.
2. Not everyone who watches you in your moments of frantic stress is judging harshly. Some might be silently praising you and encouraging you. Some might even be slightly envious. It's not fair to assume that everyone is being critical. There are still kind and generous people in this world. Humanity is not dead. Just as you hope people are not judging you and making assumptions about your life, don't make assumptions about theirs.
And 3. It is okay to need help, and it is equally okay to ask for it. We all need help at some point in our life or another. If you see someone struggling and you can offer help, offer it. Chances are they are silently pleading for it.
Now, that being said, I completely understand the occasional withholding of help. Maybe that mother and daughter behind me in line wanted to help, but didn't want to make me any more uncomfortable than I already was by drawing even more attention to me. Maybe they were worried about over-stepping bounds. I can't blame them, and I don't. But what I later realized is that most people want to help, but hesitate, unsure if help is wanted. Most people have an innate desire to help another with their load but are unsure how. This is why it is important to be able to ask for help when help is needed, even if a swallowing of pride or embarrassment is required. It's a balancing act. Don't wait until it is too late to offer help and don't be afraid to ask for help when help is needed. In either case, ACT.
So, to those women at Deseret Book today who taught me valuable lessons, thank you.
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