Rantings of a Misunderstood Mother

Disclaimer #1: In case the title of this post didn't do it justice, this post is a rant.

Multiple times this week Stephen and I found ourselves in a few different situations where we felt the need to defend our choices in raising our boys on a specific topic: sleep, bedtimes and naps.

Disclaimer #2: This is our/my blog and therefore this is my opinion. It doesn't make my views or my feelings about this the most correct or the least correct. It only means this is how I feel and view this specific topic. I truly believe that every decent parent is doing their very best in raising their children and are using methods that they believe are best for them and their situations and their families, even if those methods do not look like someone else's methods. That being said...

Sleep is very important to me, especially sleep for my children. I have done hours and hours of research and reading various articles and books and have picked from them things that resonated with me and my family. Likewise, I have also left behind those things that did not resonate with me. I think that this is a very important thing to be able to do in a world with so much conflicting information.

After having done this (and I continue to do this), I have formulated several beliefs that are firm for me:

• Adequate sleep is vital to the physical, emotional and behavioral development of children.
• Children thrive off of routine and fairly predictable schedules.
• Parents are the primary protector of their child's needs. Just because they are little doesn't make their needs less important than something else. If parent's don't protect their child's needs, who will?

Those who know me and our family well know that we have bedtimes and nap times that, for the most part, we stick to. We protect the needs of our children- yes, sometimes at the expense of a fun activity or gathering that we'd rather be participating in. But for us, that is what being a parent is all about: sacrificing for the well-being and betterment of our kids. Sometimes it is inconvenient, yes. But parenthood is not about conveniency.When we decided to be called mommy and daddy, we agreed to sacrifice parts of our single and free days to raise a family. We decided that that was more fulfilling and satisfying for us.

Now, does this mean that we never get to have fun and do things for ourselves? Does this mean that we as parents don't have a right to meet our own needs? Heavens no! We would likely be poor parents indeed if we didn't. Stephen and I have worked out a way to provide each other individually and ourselves as a couple relief and self care time on a very regular basis. It works for us. We are happy with how we do things and don't really feel like we miss out much at all, despite what others may think.

We hear lots of arguments about how we chose to do things, such as "But your kids will never learn how to be resilient!" or "But life doesn't always revolve around a schedule!" or "You guys are so uptight and strict!" I've heard it all. And quite frankly, I don't care what others think. I have seen WAY too much benefit from how we do things to be concerned about the misguided assumptions of others. There are PLENTY of other life situations that will help teach my children resiliency that I am not concerned about letting them have the comfort and predictability of knowing their needs for sleep will be met. No, life does not always work around a schedule, and my kids will learn that. But my job right now is to meet their needs in a loving and selfless way (and besides, it is my opinion that routine and predictability help with behavior which can, in turn, help with a happy and successful childhood). And yes, maybe we are sometimes uptight and strict, but that doesn't bother me either. When the occasion warrants it, we are actually pretty flexible. I just don't believe that EVERY occasion warrants it. It is my belief that there are important things and then there are MORE important things, and if a bedtime happens to be the lesser important thing (say, in the occasion of a wedding or other important family gathering), so be it! But not every late night or skipped nap warrants it for me.

So I guess what I'm really trying to say is that there is no one right or wrong way to parent, so we need to be a little bit more kind to each other. I'm not asking anyone to agree with me or someone else with whom they actually disagree with, but we can all be respectful and kind.