Tender Mercies

Last night I prayed that my children would not grow up without me, that I could have the ability to slow down and enjoy them and motherhood to its fullest. It was one of the most sincere and heartfelt prayers I have prayed in a while.

Last night was a rough night for Benjamin, and, consequently, Stephen and I. He woke all throughout the night and early morning crying many times. One particularly difficult time, I asked Stephen to bring Benjamin into bed with us. He gave me that face -that face I'm all too familiar with- that says, "Are you sure you want to do that? EVERY other time we've tried this we've ended up regretting it because the boys get excited and want to play for hours on end. Each time you suggest it you think 'this time it will be different' and it never is." I smiled that smile -the one that Stephen is all to familiar with- that says, "I know...but will you go get me my baby anyways?" Needless to say, Benjamin ended up curled into me in bed :D

Benjamin told us about a scary dream he had had involving some sort of car crash. It was sad and broke my heart. The three of us cuddled for a while, singing Primary songs, and then we put Benjamin back down successfully. As I thought about that moment, one that I loved so much and ate up, I realized that God had answered my prayer in a very simple, yet profound way for me. Instead of being frustrated and irritable with the situation, I was grateful for it and held on to it as long as I could.

When the sun was just beginning to rise the next morning, I again found myself in bed curled up with that blonde-haired, blue-eyed little boy who had just been crying. Stephen had gone off to work and Ian was still asleep, so it was just the two of us. Benjamin was a little bit more difficult to soothe this time, but I was still blessed with the ability to see the good and I'm so grateful for that. We again cuddled for a while, still groggy because we weren't ready to be awake after a rough night. I repeatedly sung Benjamin his favorite Primary song "When I am Baptized" (which, coincidentally, is also mine), mumbling a lot of the words sleepily. I had just finished the song the second time when Benjamin, suddenly energetic and excited, turned over and said, pointing to the wall, "Oh! There you are, Jesus!" Surprised, I asked Benjamin, "Where, sweetheart?" "Ober (over) there!" came the response with an enthusiastic point to the wall. I then asked him what Jesus was doing and he said, "Flying around!" For the next few minutes Benjamin kept pointing to that same wall exclaiming that Jesus was "Ober there!"

I don't know what Benjamin actually saw or what he actually experienced, or maybe if he was just responding to the Spirit he felt, but I do know that the veil is often not as thick as we think it is and sometimes Heavenly Father blesses us with special experiences just to let us know that He is there and that He loves us. I'm so grateful for the purity and the innocence of children and for the many things my boys teach me daily about Christ-like love