"Super Mom"

Recently, several factors have caused Stephen and I to make the difficult decision to switch Benjamin to formula. It has been a super stressful decision for me especially because of the "Super Mom" expectations that seem to be going around. You know the expectations I mean.

There's the educational expectations: 
"You must engage your baby in auditory, visual, and touch stimulating activities every moment of wakefulness, or they will grow up to develop a learning disability!" 

 "If your child is set in front of a television or other screen for any length of time, they will develop autism!"

"If your baby is not watching x amount of Baby Einstein per day, they will be developmentally behind their peers!" - You might be thinking, "Wait, doesn't this contradict the 'no screen time' rule?" That's another point (the point of everything contradicting something according to someone) I'll address later.

There's the sleep expectations:
"If your baby isn't sleeping through the night by 3 months, it's probably your fault and your child will forever be a sleep deprived zombie because you cannot exercise enough control to let them learn how to sleep on their own."

"If your baby isn't taking exactly 2 naps a day for 2 hours at a time and at the exact same time every single day, you are a selfish indulgent parent who doesn't know what's best for your child."

"If you don't run to your child's side at the moment he/she cries out, you are insensitive and heartless and probably shouldn't be a parent at all" or "If you don't wait for exactly 15 minutes from the moment you first hear your baby cry out to go to them, you will deprive your child any skills of self-pacifying and they will need you to tuck them in at night through their college years."

There's the nutritional expectations:
"What?! You're STILL breastfeeding? Isn't that weird? Gross? Inappropriate?"

"If you don't exclusively breast feed until your child is one years old, you are selfish and your child will grow up to be obese and will probably die from diabetes at the age of 40."

"You will never be able to form healthy ties of attachment to your child if you don't breastfeed, and you better do it at every whimper your child makes if you want that tie to be strong!"

And on and on and on it goes! You get the point. I'm only a young mother of one (and he's only 6.5 months old at that), but already I have been swept up in this tornado of expectations and it is extremely exhausting, to say the least.

EVERY single piece of advice (or expectation) I have been given (by other mothers and professionals alike) that concerns raising my son is contradicted somewhere by someone else who claims they have a "better way." It's ridiculous. With the exception of extreme situations like child abuse, THERE IS NO ONE RIGHT WAY TO DO ANYTHING! If we could all just realize that (almost) every mother is striving to do her best for her family, we could maybe be at peace with the fact that her methods may not match ours, and that's okay! We need to stop measuring our worth as a mother based on what so-and-so is doing down the street.

Yes, I do understand that research has backed up some of this stuff (breast milk is, in fact, better for a baby than formula is), and yes, I understand that some things are obviously better than others (it's probably a better idea to have your child play outside for some time than spend 8 hours on video games). Some of this stuff is pretty valid. But that's not my point. My point is that we spend so much time and energy judging the mom next door that we create these expectations of each other (some are impossible, by the way) which then creates this never-ending tornado of destruction plowing down the hearts of mothers everywhere, leaving sorrow, tears, and feelings of inadequacy in its wake.

What I think every mother needs to hear, and what I most certainly yearn to hear, is that she's doing a good job, that she's enough. I think that every mother just wants to feel competent and confident in her role as a nurturer of souls. I know that I would give anything to feel that way.

So let us not be critical of each other, or ourselves for that matter. God sends His children into our homes for a specific reason. He knows that we have something unique and special to give to that child-something that child needs. Remember that the next time you find yourself feeling inadequate. I'll work on it, too :)