Vegas, Grad-school, and Doulas

We just got back from a weekend in Las Vegas (or, more accurately, Henderson, NV). We were there for a family reunion on Stephen's side of the family and it was a good time!

We car-pooled with Jen and Clint (Stephen's sister and her hubby) and their two little girls, which worked out fantastically! Benjamin was fascinated by his little cousins, and Jane did an especially wonderful job entertaining him and trying to make him happy and comfortable. We managed to make it there and back with only one very minor melt-down, which is a blessing beyond my wildest dreams. 

While there, all the Palmer siblings and their families stayed together in a cluster of hotel rooms, which was super fun. Stephen and I had our own room, which turned out to be a handicapped room. It was a blessing in disguise as we had tons of room to set up Benjamin's pack-n'-play in the bathroom for him to sleep (he is an incredibly light sleeper and has a miserable time trying to sleep in the same room with others, which results in a miserable time for everyone). It was really kind of funny, actually. Stephen and I would stumble, half asleep, down the hotel hallway to the lobby bathrooms in the middle of the night. I'm sure the lady running the front desk thought we were crazy.

At the reunion, I had a great time visiting with some of Stephen's cousins whom I don't know well. I felt like I had known them for forever and it just felt warm and comfortable talking with them. It is often difficult for me to open up quickly to people I don't know well, so this really meant a lot to me.

I am pretty sure I was much more excited for that Easter egg hunt than Benjamin was... With Stephen doing his no-sweets-deal with my brother, and Benjamin being too young for much candy, I got the lot to myself! AND because Stephen and I intentionally did not cart junk food along on the trip, I didn't feel guilty eating it either. Score!

Also while in Henderson, I got to visit a bit with my college buddy, Sara. It had been a little over a year since we've been able to see each other, so that was a lot of fun. She had not been able to meet Benjamin yet and it was fun to watch her with him. He loved her :)

The night before we headed back to Salt Lake, the Palmer siblings and spouses got together for a group date out to dinner at one of the many casinos around. I believe it's the first time we got to do something like that and I LOVED it. We spent the evening (child-free! The older nieces babysat) together laughing and enjoying each other's company. I married into a wonderful family... I had, while single, hoped that I would one day marry into a warm, strong, close-nit family, and that is exactly who the Palmers are. I love them.

                                                                                                                                                         

Stephen has just recently finished his first year in grad-school and is wrapping up finals (as we speak even). He has been working so hard to do well and I am proud of him.

The poor guy has had a bit of a rough time this last school year with trying to manage all of his responsibilities and trying to balance his time. He's up most mornings at 4 am so he can go to work to provide for our little family, then he goes to school/works on homework for most of the day so he can provide us a more stable future, and then he comes home, exhausted and worn, and provides me some relief. We have an hour or two together in the evenings after Benjamin is down, and it starts all over again. He never complains. He never lets on how hard it is for him (though I know it is). He is always thinking of Benjamin and I first and does his best to show it. He is the strongest, most selfless person I know and I feel so blessed to call him my husband. I love him...

We have hopes that this next year will be easier since he's dropping his 4 am job in lieu of his paid internships. Only one more year to go!
                                                                                                                                                           

About two months or so ago, Stephen and I decided that we were not going to hire a doula to aid in the birth of our second child (which we had previously been planning on) because we ran into some unplanned needed car repairs. We had found a doula we felt great about and had a wonderful consultation visit, but just could not make it work at that time.

For those who may not know what a doula is, she is a non-medical person who can assist with the physical, emotional, and spiritual support of a laboring woman. She typically educates on child birth, helps you make informed decisions, helps you explore your birthing options, teaches you relaxation and laboring techniques, and helps support you in your decisions. She is there through labor, delivery, and partial post-partum period to assist you in any way you need. We had decided on hiring one for the birth of our second baby because we felt we needed extra support this time around.

Recently, we've been blessed with an unexpected grant that could cover the cost of a doula and then some, so we've started considering hiring one again. After running across this message from the woman we were looking at, I felt strongly about hiring her again (she is the ICAN chapter leader for Utah County):

 "I want everyone in this group to know that no matter the type of birth you have, there is always a place for you here. If you have an elective repeat cesarean, I will support you. If you have a vaginal birth after cesarean, I will support you. If you have a cesarean birth after a trial of labor, I will support you. This is a judgement free support group. No matter the type of birth you have, there is always a place for you here.

"You are not a failure if you have a trial of labor that becomes a cesarean. I (and I hope everyone else here) will never think of you as a failure if you have a repeat cesarean. I want everyone to feel welcome no matter what!

There is never one "right" way to birth. No one decision is right for every birthing woman or birth situation. This is why information is so important. Having all the information to make an informed decision that is right for you and your situation, is what is important. Feeling cared for and supported no matter your decisions is what is important.

 "There has not been any incidence of judgement within the group thus far (thank you for this!!!). I just need each of you to know where I stand as the chapter leader. Too often I hear women say "I feel like I failed" in reference to having a cesarean. I do not want any of you to feel this way! I want you to feel like you did what you needed to do to have your baby. We do the best we can with the information we have at the time. We do what we need to do to have the outcome we believe to be the most beneficial. Sometimes birth requires us to make difficult decisions. Making those decisions in critical moments makes you a strong woman, not the way you birth.

 "There is so much I wish I could express to each of you who have had a cesarean birth. I just don't have the words to express this love and admiration adequately. I want you to know that I have a great love and admiration for women who have cesarean births. Birthing women are amazing, not because a baby comes out of their vagina, but because they grew a human inside of their body and now they must birth the baby in whatever way that baby needs to come. Sometimes that means being cut open for the baby to be born. A cesarean birth is still a birth and not any less difficult (or courageous or amazing....) than a vaginal birth. I believe there is a moment during (almost every birth, it probably doesn't always happen) birth when the woman has a feeling of helplessness and despair and somehow we come out of that. We gather our strength and move above the helplessness and despair to bring new life. It doesn't matter how you birth, somewhere you find that strength. Sometimes it doesn't come when you need it, sometimes the helplessness and despair stays for a long time. If you feel this helplessness and despair, I want you to know I am here for you. Please lean on me. Please come to me. I will support you. I will help you. I will not leave you alone."

To someone who may not have suffered from a traumatic birth experience, this might sound cookey (I would probably think the same, if I hadn't experienced what I did with the birth of my first), but for me, these words were a healing balm. After that, I knew I just had to have this woman's help. Lucky for us, she still had an opening in July! I firmly believe that God knew what I would need to be able to have a better experience this time around and helped me to cross paths with this woman. His hand is ALWAYS in the details of our lives.